Before my first ever flight, which was for a study abroad program in the UK, my mom and dad escorted me to the gate (it was that long ago), and my mom whispered to me in my ear before I boarded: “Remember who you are, and whose you are.”
It’s a phrase that continues to be repeated throughout my life. Even as careers, places, relationships evolved, this phrase is something that my mom still says to me. In turn, I find myself saying it to my students as well.
Remember who you are, and whose you are.
The role of university counselor/advisor/whatever title is used within your school means we are charged with guiding students towards their futures. That helping them make the right decisions or advise on decisions is, indeed, life changing and affirming. But this work is also hard.
We work hard on our own awareness, trying our best to be the best kind of grown ups in front of these young adults because we believe in their futures. We work hard to see our students from their needs and points of view, we work on our own biases and provide a sense of confidence, comfort, conflict, and congratulations.
In all this hard work, it often takes one person, one administrator, one parent that questions not only what we do, but how we do it, and if we are qualified to do what we do.
It is amazing the number of people who have opinions about where a child goes to university or what their career may be, based on the simple belief that they also went to university, or they heard of a particular school.
Knowing who we are and whose we are gives us room to advocate not only for our work, but our students and families, and also ourselves
Because we pour so much into this work, we begin to sometimes question if we are doing right by the students that we are working with. We question our value and our own identity. But fellow counselors, educators, advisors, let me tell you to remember who you are and whose you are.
Here are some reminders to consider about your role and identity in this work:
- You are a helping professional – but that has limits. The factors of the university advising process can be numerous: financial need, culture wars within the child’s community, reputation, academics, etc. It is easy to get caught up in the politics of it all. Admittedly, there are moments when I have even had to take a pause when I see a child and their guardian make application decisions that have nothing to do with the needs expressed. But that is their decision, not ours.
- Remember your boundaries, and own when to stretch and when to retract. When I first went overseas, I worked all the time. Breaks, weekends, holidays – I made excuses because I process a little longer and the kids don’t have enough time, so I gave up my own. That is not sustainable. Instead, I have some clear rules I try to hold myself to, because no one else will do it for me. I choose to work over a short holiday in a busy season (ie October break due to November deadlines), but I cut off the world during winter break. To conferences I bring my laptop, but not on vacations. With my boundaries, I am also clearer to my parents, students, and administrators.
- Find the rest that you need – not what others define for you. According to Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith, there are seven types of rest, and each approach is defined the way you see it: physical, emotional, mental, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual. Each can be defined by your perspective and what you need. Authentic rest is defined by you.
- Find professional connections to help define your role and identity. Professional connections and networks can be a career-saving source, and are a necessity. My professional memberships like International ACAC and the International School Counselor Association provide resources, connections, and advocacy. My local counselor community is a source of knowledge, perspective, and a sounding board. Making sure you are active in these spaces allows for you to continue to define your role and identity in this work.
To do this work means to also know what it means to be ourselves; remembering who we are and whose we are, so that we can continue to bring our best selves and to also take care of ourselves.
Knowing who we are and whose we are gives us room to advocate not only for our work, but our students and families, and also ourselves.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The PIE News.
